Good news first!
On Monday we received Travel Approval (TA)!! I thought we would get travel dates right after but we are still waiting.
Or I should say Matthew is waiting.
Through a variety of situations and circumstances (which we are not sharing at this time) we have decided that Matthew will go to China and I will stay home with the kids.
We don't take this decision lightly and have earnestly prayed and sought expert advice during this decision.
It has felt like a lot of bad when it was supposed to be so good going to get Eden as a family.
I saw this post on Instagram by Jennie Allen, a Christian author and speaker. Also, an adoptive mama.
During this time, I really deeply need to go to Jesus and let this hard draw me to Him. It is easy to want to numb these feelings with social media, food, etc. etc. However, this time and space is to draw us all to Jesus.
I saw this on Sara Hagerty's Instagram. This is an adoration. She posts different ones each day. She is a Christian writer and speaker as well. Also, she is an adoptive mama.
It feels that what would be "best" and most "exalting" for God would be for Him to have cleared the way for us all to go together. But, it feels that God is showing me that this is for His glory and our good. Even though it doesn't look like good at all.
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I have been reading this year in a Daily Chronological Bible. I got behind so I've been reading a few days each day to catch up. This Bible puts the references on the side so that when you are reading it is unhindered.
I've been reading in Jeremiah and about his words about those exiled to Babylon and those who stayed in Jerusalem.
It would seem that those who got to stay in Jerusalem, the Promised Land, were the ones who were blessed by God. And those who were exiled to Babylon the ones who were under a curse. Now, granted, they were all being punished as a people for their generations of sin--but God had not abandoned them. He was still sending them messages through Jeremiah.
His message is, those who stay in Babylon are those in favor. They are to settle and build houses. God has placed them there. Those who remain in Jerusalem are not favored. And that is surprising.
What is God's will, doesn't always look like what we would expect it to look like. It doesn't feel like it is a blessing for God's will for us not to travel as a family. But just because I can't see it doesn't mean it isn't Your will or plan.
As I continued to read along I was shocked to read, "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
This is a well known passage. But I didn't expect it to appear there. It is part of Jeremiah's message to those in Babylon. Those who might be feeling completely rejected. God's plans are good plans. Even when it doesn't make any sense to those watching or living it.
So these plans that we find ourselves in. The ones that are painful and hard. They are in God's hands, the ones God has ordained for good, not harm. Plans for hope and a future.
Later the same day I read,
" 'Am I only a God nearby,' declares the Lord, 'and not a God far away?
Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?' declares the Lord.
'Do I not fill heaven and earth?' declares the Lord.
So I was reading and there is God stopping me with His Voice. Reminding me. God is not only near Eden when I am near. God is near her now. God can and is surrounding her and loving her. And God does this before I am with her, and while I wait for her, and when she is home. God is not only near her when I am near. I am not her Savior, Redeemer, or Comforter. God is. I need to continue to entrust Eden to God. I need to pray for her. Pray for Holy Spirit to wrap Himself around her. To heal and give peace and protection. My job is to pray. And trust in God. Give myself to God.
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Today I was listening to the That Sounds Fun Podcast with Annie F. Down as she and Lauren Daigle talked.
Lauren Daigle felt God told her to take a year off in 2017-2018. He gave her a verse in Psalm 127, "...Yes, He can provide for those whom He loves even when they sleep."
God wanted her to rest and He would provide. Hearing this made me write down the verse. Even when I can't do anything to help or hurry anything along--He is providing. He is providing. Even literally, while I sleep China makes decisions and God is there in all of that. I can trust in Him and His good plans for us and Eden.
My job is to rest in Him. Abide in Him. I cannot rush the process. I won't be going to China. But all of that isn't really what matters most. God is with her and with me and with all of us. I am to trust in His character.
Especially during this time.
